what a day

Today couldnt have been worse in my life.

I was already not in the mood due to the news ytd mom brought me. And again another wave came up. Tell me how could I stand this now?

Why does this happen? No one will give me answer. How do I get rid of the pain? Simple, you just cant.

Now michelle, bear with it and sleep through the night.

whatever !

Im tired.

So whatever, I dont wanna care anymore.

Sick of making the first move. Sick of making calls and try to suits everything where no one actually actually cares. Sick of making decisions.

So yeah, my phone is for games from now on.

Peace.

Exceed 36.9 degrees

Hmmm, no idea how I got this fever but I remember I caught quite an amount of rain on monday. I was suppose to wear a hat to work but I was lazy and when I finish work, it rains again and I again dont have the hat with me. But dont get me wrong I had umbrella and I did use it.

Somehow while I was cathcing up with chimp and bro for the movie 'Skyline' (Btw, it's a suck movie) I was sneezing in the cinema and my troat starts to soar up >"< No idea why, but it get's worse while the night goes on. Probably Im hanging out with an insane mentally and a mentally insane people? :P

So, came home and took a shower.

AND I ALMOST FREEZE @@

I got so cold suddenly and blocked nose started. I dont care, gulp 2 panadol, 2 vitamin C and 1 cold&flu tablet down my troat and off to bed. Woke up 5am next morning to work, flu got worse but I had no choice.

Gone to work and the fever comes visit. Let me tell you, working while you're sick is the worst thing in your life that you can ever experience. I was so sick that have to rest every half an hour just to prevent me from hitting the floor any minute.

Told the manager and Im home by 12.30. Ate my super light lunch cuz I have no apettie at all just to get med, head straight to bed again.

And today work again, cuz there wasnt enough staff, oh man .. now Im here cuz it's my brother's bday ♥ Although Im not there to celebrate with you this year again, I promise I'll make it up when Im back next 2 months :)

Love you bro ♥ Thanks for the sis and bro hood you gave me and no doubt you're the best brother in the world for me !!! :D

How?

How? Just tell me how come it become like that? I didnt blame you for her existance and it probably come too fast I would say.

We need time to get along with her and pls dont force it because every person work out differently. We've been out with her for the past week, and just need you for a couple of hours. Im pretty sure that she can survive without you for a few hours >"<

Last few weeks you're ignoring us that we're not calling you up and sort of abandon you. Now it's the opposite, since she came to your life there is no more us anymore. Im clear that you need time for her, but just this few hours we need you.

Whatever, there is no point talking cuz what is gonna change will change and we've done everything to keep it together. It's your choice if you wanna break it down by your own hands.

Go ahead. No one stops you.

I expected too much

Hahahahahahaha michelle this is so funny, why? because you heard the same thing that cut your heart again. Great. And the one who is saying is? ......

"U R so annoying >"<"

This is what I got yesterday from someone that I cared. And yet that flash of pain just cut my pumping heart. I told myself and promise my frens that I wouldnt get that pain again. Im sorry now I did and it is just out of expected.

Probably that person is just joking or I am really annoying. I guess I'm just too disturbing. I'm sorry if I bothered you, but is this phrase that I couldnt take it anymore. It hurts me few years back and I have no courage to take it again. I'm sorry that I annoyed you and I will not do that again.

Now let me freeze for a moment. I dont wanna rewind what happen few years back.

I need to go away.

Lemon on wound

Msn chat box is ringing and I picked up the call.

It was mom.

What I dont want to hear is heard. And I have no choice but to accept it.

I am asking myself what will I feel when I heard it but no answer came out from my inner brain. I'm out of words and just stuck there for minutes.

Tears? Dried up before they touched my face. The air around seemed too dry for anything, even my troat. My breathing is not in normal pace as well, it's an irregular inhale and exhale.

So end the call and here I am. But dont worry, I will be strong and be with you. I will do my best and pray hard. Pls let me be there for you.

:'(